My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
