i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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