i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
