quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
zippers are such a cool invention
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
