quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
