Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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