remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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