if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
