I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
