I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
