Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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