ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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