Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
