I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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