It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
