I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
