That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
