Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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