I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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