so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
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you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
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Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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