u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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