this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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