Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
