i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
