just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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