Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
