did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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