I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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