So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
