Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
