I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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