Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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