explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
