1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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