I wish you could order shots online.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
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She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
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Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Two words: blizzard sex
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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