wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
