So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize