we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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