It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
