Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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