Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
