Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
