god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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