where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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