end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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