I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Randomize
