do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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