i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
