Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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