It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
