Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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