ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
