My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
