i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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