I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
