A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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