Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
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its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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