So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
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For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
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I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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