he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
did i walk over a car last night?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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