Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
