Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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