In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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